Keroppi HQ

Agender – May 19th 2026

I recently decided to "come out" as Agender.

I figure it would be nice for others like me to see some sort of solidarity or something. I've been meaning to add something about it to my website for a while, but just kept putting it off lol.

Anyways, see these tweets for more of a rundown if you're curious.

Love ya!

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Big things happening – May 18th 2026

Wow, 2 months since my last update huh?

So much has been going on since my last entry. I've been to some amazing places and spent some quality time with some really great people.

I really feel like I'm coming out of my shell finally these past few months and the "fake it til you make it" kinda approach towards confidence is finally paying off. I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin these days and actually showing my personality to my friends and loved ones instead of hiding/not saying the things I want to say.

I'm really trying to see and feel the good in me. Trying to take more pride in my appearance, being more forward in my interactions, not being so afraid to make jokes or connect with people - everything has just been so much more positive lately.

Maybe I am funny sometimes. Maybe I am attractive to some people. Maybe I do have worth and deserve nice things now and then. Maybe it's ok to reach out to interesting people and be bold about connecting with them and making things happen.

I'm also just feeling so happy in my relationship. We've always gotten along great, but lately it just feels like we're really on the same page about so many aspects of life and really respecting each other as individuals to the truest extent. I feel very lucky to have her.

The following pics are from a big meetup we went to with our friends in Pickering.

We also took some gay as fuck glamour shots but ITS MY WEBSITE SO FUCK U IM POSTING THOSE TOO!

To speak more on the meetup, it was amazing! I had only met 1/3 or so of the people going in person before so it was rather daunting. But so many of the new people I met were SO NICE and fun!

We visited a castle, a lovely seaside town, had a nice meal out and sung karaoke into the early hours of the morning. I will cherish those days forever.

There's a lot more images I could post and things I could say about my trip but this post is already getting long as fuck, so maybe that's for another time.

Now I'm back home and just trying to keep my confidence going and to keep connecting with others.

I feel like I've made some special connections lately and I'm excited and optimistic to see where it takes me.

There's so much love in my heart right now and I'm just going to let it out.

❤️❤️❤️

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Mother's Day (belated) – March 28th 2026

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Collection update – March 21th 2026

I finally got around to updating the photos of my Keroppi shelves!

I still have a ton of items in storage too as I've run out of room to display them. 😵

Love that green fella. 🐸

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Stabilising a bit – March 16th 2026

I've chilled out a bit more now, and the 'crisis' I had a about getting older has subsided a fair bit - or at least I'm thinking about it as an impetus to live and do more fun things.

I'm trying to set in motion behaviours that will help me in socialising more and just going outside more too. I've been agoraphobic for a long time, but it got to a level recently that was getting unmanagable.

I'm trying some anti-anxiety medication and I can already feel the weight in my chest lifting, which is a bit surreal and rather shocking recognising just how heavily my anxiety was impacting me physcially, not just mentally.

I still don't really know how to talk about myself and that's why I haven't made an entry in a while. I'll try be more active again.

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Freaking out – Jan 18th 2026

I keep going mental lately about "getting old"

I've always been someone who suppresses their emotions A LOT and there's a lot of things about myself I never properly actualised or even really knew.

I guess the biggest thing that gets me right now is the thought that I should have known I was gay (or I guess more accurately queer) much earlier. And all the experiences I missed out on by not being true to myself.

I've always just had little to no sense of self it seems like, and was happier just shelving my personalty or any vibrant aspect of myself. Maybe it's part of being non-binary and not caring about gender whatsoever, or being autistic, or just avoiding others for a very long time. I just ended up removing myself from the loop entirely.

And I find myself blaming a lot of things and not knowing how to really deal with it. Like society or school for not guiding me.

And I just really hate myself a lot at the moment. I feel sick when I look at myself. I don't want to get older, look older, feel older. None of it.

It's like I'm in mourning for a timeline of my teens and my 20s I didn't have.

Idk how to shift this feeling like I'm over the hill. And how attempts to express myself how I wish I did 10 years ago will just seem pathetic now. I feel like I'm acting like a teenager all the time, seeking attention. Fishing for compliments. It makes me feel so worthless and desperate.

And I'm unsure how to be normal about making friends or gaining validation. It's like I'm trying to speedrun the process and it's very one-sided and selfish.

I just want to be liked. I want queer people to think I'm cute. I want boys to like me the most. It's something that keeps popping up at different moments in my life, so it must mean something to me that other things don't.

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Streaming – Jan 16th 2026

I want to get back into streaming.

My twitch year-in-review thing said that I only streamed a handful of times in 2025. Even when I was streaming more, I was never as social with it as I would like to be and mainly focused on the speedrunning.

This year I would like to really try just playing games for fun and making more connections with people.

I feel like there's a lot of love in my heart and I want to find more means of relating to people - hopefully streaming helps with that.

Maybe using webcam will help with my self-image; or relating to people further, or both. I don't know.

Worth a shot.

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Birthday – Jan 11th 2026

Yesterday was my 30th birthday!

Seeing friends was really nice. 😊

I tend to forget that I exist to other people, so for everyone to be so nice to me and tell me they've thought about me or looked at my website or my speedruns was really heartwarming, even if I find it tricky to take it on board.

I hope to see them more and put in more of an effort this year - It's worth it!

The fit:

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Domain change / Site ideas – Jan 3rd 2026

I purchased the domain name callumbal.com!!

There's also a lot more I want to do with this site but it's hard to find the motivation.

I need to update the photos in my Keroppi collection for one thing - I've amassed a LOT more since I last posted.

Would be cool to catalogue them as well for posterity, there's so little info online about some of these items.

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Unfiltered stream – Jan 2nd 2026

Just as it says really. I'm just going to say whatever is on my mind and try not overthink it.

I've been longing for some kind of outlet for my thoughts and feelings for a long time now, and social media just doesn't cut it.

I'm hoping if i put things down in writing it can help me actualise them. This blog is a *loose* new year's resolution I have about accountability and just feeling like I have some sort of purpose in the world.

I've been trying really hard to be more social lately and it has been going pretty well.

I'm turning 30 in a week and I'm definitely ruminating a lot about getting older and feeling like I've lost so much of my youth.

I still don't know where I fit in the world and I still don't really seem to be able to connect with other people in meaningful ways.

I'm growing ever more fearful of dying alone without having ever been contented with anything.

I'm pretty nihilistic so a big part of me says what's the point anyway, it's all just fluff to distract from the inevitable sad end anyhow.

It's hard to set goals when it all feels like a fools errand.

I hate to be so disattached like that, yet it's been this way for a long time now.

I don't really know where I'm going with any of this.

Do others feel as dispondent as me?

It feels like there's a trick I'm missing to not otherthink things.

I'll think about what if I bit my tongue most of the time I eat.

Or I'll go to a gig and only be able to think "this is the bit you're meant to like. This is the bit you're supposed to switch off." And it never happens.

Every single night I just hate sleeping. How are you supposed to turn it off?

I hope 2026 is the year I find whatever missing link it is that stops me from getting so stuck on everything.

The hope is it's one of those "your brain is missing this chemical and this pill with fix you" scenarios.

Maybe I just have aggressive ADHD or whatever the fuck. I feel like I have so little control over it at times and it's just tragic.

Not a particularly positive first entry but it's just what I'm feeling.

Between now and next entry I want to try keep up socialising with others and just striving to keep my brain engaged with ANYTHING.

Try and find more "tricks" to keep my brain occupied instead of vapidly whittling hours away going around in circles in my head in bed or staring at my PC screen with nothing happening.